I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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