If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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