Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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