dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
