Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
