Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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