Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so let's talk penis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
