um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
