Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
