I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
