There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
