We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize