I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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