I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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