I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
