did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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