bring money and cleavage
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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