Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
