I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
