well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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