getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
a search helicopter?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
BRING THE BAGELS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
