Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
