I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
