i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
