we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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