just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
