I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
