I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
