god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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