Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
