Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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