he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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