There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
