how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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