Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
