Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
