you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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