Sorry, I don't speak sober.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
