Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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