if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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