WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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