I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
