Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
