I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
