your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
