Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
