Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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