i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
