I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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