so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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