Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize