Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
