In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
