We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
