She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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