cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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