I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
