I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
