please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
