i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's never too late to be topless.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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