i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
