im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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