Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
