How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's rum buckets o'clock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
