Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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