i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
