So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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