my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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