And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
